Monday, February 18, 2008
thoughts
Approximately 50 days ago I started writing this blog, and now I have come to the realization that it's not exactly what I want to do. So, although I may still occasionally post don't be looking for anything regularly.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
How did your day go?
I've been having a fairly good day today, and I was just wondering if you were too. Post a comment and let me know.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
The Female Demerit System
With Valentine's Day coming up, I think most of you attached guys need to be made aware of what you are really dealing with. I first saw this posted by Ysabel Kid over on the Leverguns.com forum.
The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system
Simple Duties:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You go out to buy her what she wants +5
in the rain +8
But return with Beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night +1
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with iron rod +10
It's her pet -20
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend -2
Named Tina -10
Tina is a dancer -20
Tina has silicone implants -80
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner +2
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +3
Okay, it's a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team -10
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +1
You take her to a movie she likes +3
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called 'Death Cop' -3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -8,000
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -4,000
The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system
Simple Duties:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You go out to buy her what she wants +5
in the rain +8
But return with Beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night +1
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with iron rod +10
It's her pet -20
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend -2
Named Tina -10
Tina is a dancer -20
Tina has silicone implants -80
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner +2
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +3
Okay, it's a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team -10
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +1
You take her to a movie she likes +3
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called 'Death Cop' -3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -8,000
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -4,000
Monday, February 4, 2008
A Cowboy Buys A Bra
I just read a poem that had me laughing for the first time in about 3 days. I hope you enjoy it.
I ain’t much for shopping,
Or for goin’ into town.
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain’t too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But ‘fore I left, she asked me,
“Would you pick me up a bra?”
So without thinkin’ I said, “Sure,”
How tough could that job be?
An’ I bent down and kissed her
An’ said, “I’ll be back by three.”
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn’t want to take a chance
On bein’ recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn’t hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
“I’m here to buy a bra.”
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a’gawkin’ right at me!
“What kind would you be looking for?”
Well, I just scratched my head.
I’d only seen one kind before,
“Thought bras was bras,” I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
“Well sir, that’s where you’re wrong.
Follow me,” I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this aisle
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I’d never seen before
I thought I’d go plumb crazy
‘fore I left that women’s store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain’t wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you’re small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, “Bag it up,”
And figured I was done.
But when she asked me for the size
I didn’t hesitate.
I knew that measurement by heart,
“A six-and-seven-eighths.”
“Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn’t right.”
“Oh, yes ma’am! I’m real positive -
I measured them last night!”
I thought that she’d go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife’s bust
Was the same as my hat size.
“That’s what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I’m wrong, I’m sorry ma’am.”
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin’ up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, “Good day.”
My wife had heard the story
‘fore I ever made it home.
She’d talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin’
But by then I didn’t care.
Now she don’t ask and I don’t shop
For women’s underwear.
Author Unknown
I stole this one from Mostly Cajun.
I ain’t much for shopping,
Or for goin’ into town.
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain’t too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But ‘fore I left, she asked me,
“Would you pick me up a bra?”
So without thinkin’ I said, “Sure,”
How tough could that job be?
An’ I bent down and kissed her
An’ said, “I’ll be back by three.”
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn’t want to take a chance
On bein’ recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn’t hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
“I’m here to buy a bra.”
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a’gawkin’ right at me!
“What kind would you be looking for?”
Well, I just scratched my head.
I’d only seen one kind before,
“Thought bras was bras,” I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
“Well sir, that’s where you’re wrong.
Follow me,” I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this aisle
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I’d never seen before
I thought I’d go plumb crazy
‘fore I left that women’s store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain’t wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you’re small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, “Bag it up,”
And figured I was done.
But when she asked me for the size
I didn’t hesitate.
I knew that measurement by heart,
“A six-and-seven-eighths.”
“Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn’t right.”
“Oh, yes ma’am! I’m real positive -
I measured them last night!”
I thought that she’d go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife’s bust
Was the same as my hat size.
“That’s what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I’m wrong, I’m sorry ma’am.”
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin’ up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, “Good day.”
My wife had heard the story
‘fore I ever made it home.
She’d talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin’
But by then I didn’t care.
Now she don’t ask and I don’t shop
For women’s underwear.
Author Unknown
I stole this one from Mostly Cajun.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
I'mmmm Baaack
Yeah, yeah, I know. It's been a while since I posted, but I've decided that if I didn't have something to say I wasn't going to post. There have been a couple of times since I posted last that I thought of things to post, but, by the time I returned home, I had forgotten what I was going to post so it must not have been very good. And like I say in my comments below the title this is supposed to be therapy for ME. Also, I'm gonna start posting en voice, basically writing like I think and speak, yunno, like a real Oklahoma redneck. You will see me using proper English if I am speaking technically, if I'm posting a very important idea, if I'm trying to post an idea I have trouble describing or if I believe one of my two audience members will have trouble grasping it. Otherwise I will write like the sorta literate redneck I am.
I think I'm pretty well over that viral infection, but according to my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful daughter, my granddaughter may be coming down with an intestinal viral infection of her own. If so, if she needs me to, I will make the trip to Indiana and help take care of the baby. If not, I will sit here and worry long distance.
Some good news in the personal rights world. PawPaw reports the Brady Campaign (to Prevent Personal Defense) (look it up yourself, I refuse to link to those socialist bastards) has released their latest scorecard of state laws that restrict the rights of the people to keep and bear arms. They rate the states on a scorecard with a possible 100 points and the state that is the most restrictive gets the highest score. The great state of Oklahoma is in a tie for 49th place. What this means is Oklahoma is one of the least restrictive states in terms of firearm ownership. Looks like we need to get to work and make it the very least.
Also, in local news, Oklahoma has its presidential primaries Tuesday. What really sucks is most of the better possible candidates have dropped out. Yes, I am a registered Republican, but only because, in Oklahoma, an independent or Libertarian basically can't vote in the primaries. I guess I will vote this time for Huckabee but only because Thompson dropped out, and Paul isn't truly electable in today's political climate and with the bunch in office in the Senate and House, he wouldn't be effective. I personally believe if you don't vote for whom you believe to be the best and potentially most effective candidate (not always the same, so you might have to vote for someone other than your favorite, see reference to Paul above) then you have failed in your duty as a citizen, and therefore have no right to bitch and I definitely am gonna do my duty and will bitch loud and hard as I believe is needed.
OK, enough for now. I need to load some ammo, do some honey-do's, then e-mail select members of our state government.
I think I'm pretty well over that viral infection, but according to my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful daughter, my granddaughter may be coming down with an intestinal viral infection of her own. If so, if she needs me to, I will make the trip to Indiana and help take care of the baby. If not, I will sit here and worry long distance.
Some good news in the personal rights world. PawPaw reports the Brady Campaign (to Prevent Personal Defense) (look it up yourself, I refuse to link to those socialist bastards) has released their latest scorecard of state laws that restrict the rights of the people to keep and bear arms. They rate the states on a scorecard with a possible 100 points and the state that is the most restrictive gets the highest score. The great state of Oklahoma is in a tie for 49th place. What this means is Oklahoma is one of the least restrictive states in terms of firearm ownership. Looks like we need to get to work and make it the very least.
Also, in local news, Oklahoma has its presidential primaries Tuesday. What really sucks is most of the better possible candidates have dropped out. Yes, I am a registered Republican, but only because, in Oklahoma, an independent or Libertarian basically can't vote in the primaries. I guess I will vote this time for Huckabee but only because Thompson dropped out, and Paul isn't truly electable in today's political climate and with the bunch in office in the Senate and House, he wouldn't be effective. I personally believe if you don't vote for whom you believe to be the best and potentially most effective candidate (not always the same, so you might have to vote for someone other than your favorite, see reference to Paul above) then you have failed in your duty as a citizen, and therefore have no right to bitch and I definitely am gonna do my duty and will bitch loud and hard as I believe is needed.
OK, enough for now. I need to load some ammo, do some honey-do's, then e-mail select members of our state government.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)