1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. .
3. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
4. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
5. Is there another word for synonym?
6. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
7. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
8. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
9. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
10. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
11. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
12. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
13. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
14. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
15. How is it possible to have a civil war?
16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
17. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
18. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
19. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have “s” in it?
20. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
21. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
22. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream or yogurt?
23. If you spin orientals in a circle three times do they become disorientated?
24. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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